The SuperMom who Snapped

What happened to Diane Schuler?

Diane Schuler with her children

Have you ever had a moment so bad that it’s a miracle you survived?

I did. Fifteen years ago my world came crashing to a halt. I was alone, ostracized by my so-called friends and in a complete panic. I remember sitting in my new house, on the floor of an empty living room, and then something really terrible happened.

I blacked out.
I was stone cold sober, by the way. But as I sat on that floor, feeling my heart racing and my mind spiraling, I lost time. Perhaps a few seconds, or maybe a moment or two. But before I blacked out, I was thinking of walking into my garage and turning on my car, then closing the door and ending it. It wasn’t because I wanted to — it was just a random dark thought that briefly entered my mind.

Now here’s the thing: your brain does not know the difference between doing something and merely thinking about it. Your mind then collaborates with your body — to store your memories on a cellular level. It’s why we feel guilt and shame over wishing harm to someone: because on a certain level, we actually did the deed.

Let’s add to this: most of us regularly have mini-blackouts. A common occurrence is when we are driving a regular route — at some point during the drive we cease paying close attention to the road and instead…